Depression, Anxiety, Etc..

I’M SORRY!!!

     I know many people don't know what it's like to be trapped inside yourself, scared of the outside world for no reason, can't get up - and you're only reason for not being able to is... "I just can't."

     Many people can't understand why people with mental disorders don't just get over it, grow up, be an adult, deal with it. I wish I could explain to someone what it feels like to be alone (physically). No one would understand.

     I thought one person understood what it was like to have these hard to deal with disorders, but I was wrong. That person doesn't. They never will because they’ve never had any long term mental health problems.

It broke my heart...

Why can't I be the wife I want to be?
Why can't my children have a REAL mother?
Why have I done nothing but sit/lay on the couch all day for the past few years?
Why don't I cook for my family anymore?
Why don't I want to have girl nights with my friends?
Do I even have real friends? Or are they just attracted to my weaknesses?
Why does crossing the threshold of the outside doors to check the mail frighten me?
Why do I think I deserve respect?
Why everything or anything?

I’m so depressed, anxious, lonely and an emotional wreck...

I'm sorry.

Please keep loving me!!

Extractions & Immediate Denture: Four Weeks Later

It has been four weeks since I've had all of my upper teeth extracted and my beautiful immediate denture placed.

Last week my denture started to fit loosely. So, I started using adhesives. I had a couple samples from the dentist. Whatever the white/cloudy adhesive is that I tried, it was HORRIBLE! I could not get the glue off unless I scrubbed the roof of my mouth with a damp washcloth. The pink adhesive I used ended up being my favorite. It held better and was much easier to remove. Came off with some toothpaste and my toothbrush.

This past Monday, I went to the dentist and had a soft reline done.

The soft reline started off as a rubbery gel and was added to the entire inside of my denture. The rubbery goop-filled denture was then put it my mouth. I was told to bite down and to make sure that when my mouth was closed, it felt like a comfortable resting position for my teeth.

After about 4-6 minutes (that seemed like 10), the goo filled denture was removed. The dentist had some tools for filing down the excess rubbery reline. This goop turned into a soft, but rubbery, perfect mold of my gums. It was supposed to make my denture fit more comfortably.

After she was finished filing and trimming the reline, she had me put the denture in my mouth. It definitely wasn't loose anymore, but there were some rough edges towards the back. I asked if she could smooth them. I went to take out my denture for her and I couldn't remove it.

The soft reline molded so well with my gumline and the roof of my mouth, that it was an actual struggle to take it out!

That's a good thing!

Later that evening, I noticed a very harsh rubbing on the backs of my denture. I could tell they were going to cause sore spots (canker sores). Instead of going back to the dentist, I took matters into my own hands. I used clippers to chop the bigger chunks away and a file to smooth them down. Then, they were perfect. Today, still perfect. No sore spots.

It's Thursday, now. I had the soft reline done on Monday. I have yet to use any adhesives and I have yet had the need to use any adhesives. That makes me happy.

I am amazed at how much the soft reline has improved the way I speak, hold my mouth shut or wide open (pictured below) with the denture slipping out of place. I have even been eating everything, even meat. I still need to cut certain things in smaller bites (pictured below), but that's okay. I'm still new to this game.

I won't blog as often anymore, especially not weekly, because I feel the majority of my transition has happened and I've talked about it. Explained it all in my own words. I will touch base periodically, though.

Week four's awesome things:
• Pain free.
• No need for adhesives.
• Not thinking twice about smiling.
• Back to eating most solids.
• Happiness.

<3

Denture Wearing: Three Weeks Later

It's been three weeks since all of my upper teeth were extracted and I had my immediate denture placed.

I have been removing the denture nightly since day two. This past week I have started to use a denture adhesive (glue). I needed to start using it. Since my gums were not really swollen anymore, even with swallowing to re-suction, my denture seemed to fall out of place while talking, coughing, yawning or basically whenever it wanted to. I knew adhesives were going to be needed, but I didn't know they'd be this frustrating to use.

I am using two different types right now. Not at the same time. Just samples. I am trying to use the same sample for a few days then switch to see which is best for me.

Getting used to the adhesives hasn't been easy. Putting it on was a big FAIL for the first couple of days. I ended up with the adhesive too far back on the roof of my mouth and hated the taste. Then, when I tried to remove it, it was seriously like glue, and stuck to me. I was gagging so much trying to remove it all. I still haven't found the best way to remove the adhesives, but I am getting by. I use a bit of toothpaste and my toothbrush and a lot of scrubbing.

I think I have finally gotten the hang of using it. Well, sort of. It's only been a week. I'm definitely not a master!

I remove my denture from it's nightly solution, rinse and dry it off. I brush my teeth, rinse well then dry off where I know the adhesive will do. I then put three small pea sized dots of adhesive on the front of pallette area. Not on my gums because they're still healing. I then press and hold the denture in place for like 30 seconds. After that, I close my mouth and swallow a few times to suction the denture in place well. The denture seems to stay in place after about two minutes. Then, I am set for the whole day.

I have noticed around dinner time, the adhesive isn't as strong as it was. So, I am careful when I eat if it's a really chewy dinner.

That's another thing that's happened this past week.. I have started eating REAL  food again. My husband grilled out some chicken breasts with corn on the cob. I knew I could bite the corn, but really wanted some chicken! He cut the corn off the cob for me (awww) and gave me a plate with chicken. Knife and fork in hand, I tried a small piece. He made it so tender! I ended up eating two or three breasts! Oh man, it was so good! I didn't realize just how much I missed chewing. I missed eating real foods!

I have noticed that, even though I can chew foods, I am having the worst luck with small amounts getting stuck between the roof of my mouth and my denture. With the adhesive still sticking well, I hate to remove my denture just to rinse my mouth. After spicy foods, this is a necessity though! So, I guess I will have to reapply adhesives multiple times a day so that I don't keep food stuck between.

My gums are still healing. Still a little swollen. So the denture is still painful, mostly in the evening or after trying to chew more than I should. I have new sore spots on the front of my gumline. I am hoping once I see the dentist again, and get more of that gooey filling stuff added in, they will fit a little more comfortably.

I will update and blog again after that appointment (which I think is tomorrow or the next day).

Thanks for reading!
:-)

Post-Denture Appointment & My Health

Yesterday, (February 29, 2016) I had a dental check-up to see how I was healing after the extractions. Really, I went in because I am still in pain and thought there might be something wrong. Everything looked great though.

He said I'd actually been wearing the denture TOO much for my gums being so raw. Most people wear there's for a few hours a day. I'd been weaing mine all day and only taking them out at night. I thought that's what he told me to do. Oops! He said to help my gums heal faster, I should take them out for a few hours a day to let my gums breathe. Idk when I'll do that. Nap time? Wait a little longer to put it in in the morning? Take it out earlier in the evening?

I am still on Ammoxicillion for the strep I found out I had last week, but my throat no longer hurts and am no longer contagious. I do have an odd teenage boy voice still and a very nasty persistent nagging cough. I have an appointment with my PCP today to see what's going on with that.

One Week With My Denture

After one full week of having my full top dentured, I am pleased to say I LOVE THEM! They are still quite painful at times, but I know that will fade. I haven't been able to each much but that really wont hurt me any, haha!

Today, I had a bit of enegy and took care of a few nagging things around the house. Then, of course I got overly tired, dizzy and needed to rest a bit. Jeremy made some yummy chili. I am overly tired now, but I know my blogging is helping some people.

I don't know if this is part of the strep throat or not, but I have the worst cough!

Back to dentures. I think I will soak them 3-4 nights a week (I drink coffee/tea). I wasn't given a lot to do afterwards, so I wonder now.. do I call and make a one or two week denture check-up? Oh, I guess I should as soon as possible because there is a little piece of the soft reline that brushed off by the gumline.

Still awkward smiling, but I’m getting used to more so everyday!

Up late with Avatar

Avatar is such a GREAT movie. Jeremy tried to make me watch it so many times. Once I finally did, I loved it.

I started feeling better yesterday morning after having OJ, two coffees, Tylenol and Motrin. My fevers went from 103.5, 102.2 to 100.8 and hung around there. My current temperature is 101.3 and my throat is still razorblades.

Jeremy had a dental visit yesterday morning and our dentist gave him a new pain prescription for me.

Thank God.

Tonight, I decided to keep my denture in overnight. I want these canker sores to heal. They can't do so if I'm constantly taking them in and out, though.

I took Zachary to see his pediatrician yesterday about his horrible burns (I had just opened the oven and was placing dinner on the countertop when Zach came in fast and landed with both hands on the hot ass oven door. Pictures of his awful hands below. My poor baby!). She said we've been doing everything pretty much right with the bandaging and cleaning. She showed me a specific kind of bandage that won't stick to the wounds, and also showed the the proper way to wrap them. I was told to alternate Tylenol and Motrin. She gave him two prescriptions. One for Augmentin to help fight a just in case infections and a new tube of Desonide 0.05% for his eczema.

All our kids and myself have used it. I swear by it! Zachary's had a patch of eczema on his chin since birth. Normally, I could put a little cream on him, and cover it with a small bandaid. This time, it's not working. Something is causing is to flare up really bad. Maybe drool or fever? Who knows.

Okay, going to bed now.

I wonder if anyone reads these? LOL!

Day 4 - So much pain. So much sick.

** UPDATE **

The majority of pain I was having was actually an oncoming sinus infection.

———————————————

Yesterday I ran out of pain medication because my doctor was POSITIVE I would not run out before monday. Luckily, Jeremy had a dental appointment today and picked up a new prescription for me. This is what dying must feel like. I was freezing all night. My throat is razorblades, my head (not just mouth- whole head) feels like I got punched over ans over again. I keep having off and on bad fevers. Ranging from 100.8 to 103.5, and oh my God do I feel every bit of them. My head feels swollen. My eyes are swollen. My upper gumline is so bad. I have two canker sores just above where my top canines would be from the denture rubbing. The only time they REALLY hurt is when I take out and put the denture in. I don't feel well enough to go back and check for grammatical errors, so read it as best as you can.

Dead.

Awake, in pain and watching Frozen with Zachary

Day 3: 3AM, Zachary's restless. Breastmilk won't calm him down or make him sleep. Also, I have the most horrible gum pain. I put on Frozen for us to watch. My gums steadily getting more and more painful. Finally, at 3:45AM, I give in and go downstairs to take my LAST Norco and some ibuprofen. I will feel better soon, but I don't know what I'll do for the rest of the day. I know my dentist has is open for emergencies on Saturdays. I hope they're open on Sundays, too.

Second day update. Pain.

Pain. So much pain. I went out today with the family. Went an hour past my pain medicine time. Now, I am dying. It's been 30 minutes, at least, since I've taken my norco and ibuprofen and I am still so sore.

To describe the pain.... um.... a migraine in my mouth, but also in my head. Sounds, lights and kids are the worst things right now. I am so swollen, too. Jeremy got me an ice thing to help reduce the swelling.

In 2 days I've lost 10 pounds. 10 pounds!
Shows what a fatty I am, lol.

Second Morning With A Top Denture

Last night was the first time I had to take my denture out on my own. I had to before bed. I pulled the denture out and rinsed it off. There were little noodles in it! GROSS! I won't be able to chew for a while, so Jeremy made me a crushed up pack of Ramen Noodles for dinner. So funny that small noodles got stuck in there, haha!

I rinsed away the noodles and other residue, then took my super soft baby toothbrush and brushed the entire denture. It was so odd brushing my teeth while holding them, but this gave me a chance to see them, really well, up close. They are so cool! They are beautifully crafted. It's art, it really is.

After I was finished brushing, I filled a plastic tub container with water, that was given to me by my dentist, dropped a fizzy cleaning tab in, set my denture inside, closed the lid and said goodnight to my new teeth.

Now, it was time to brush my real teeth (remember, I still have all my bottom teeth - minus two). I had to be gentle because I had one lower tooth pulled and two fillings. I carefully brushed my teeth, tongue, roof of my mouth, lips and then EVEN MORE GENTLY brushed my upper gumline. Y'ouch! Lastly, I flossed, rinsed with warm water, put on some chapstick and went to bed.

Oddly enough, I spoke better without the top denture in! I thought for sure I would drool everywhere if I said anything. Nope.

I woke up this morning and, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous about putting the denture back in. First, I had to rinse my mouth and brush my bottom teeth. Then, I took the denture out of the container and SUPER gently put it in place. There was some discomfort when putting it in, but there weren't any tears. I swallowed to help suction them, then I put some chapstick on and smiled at myself in the mirror. I smiled at myself and I liked who I saw smiling back at me! :)

So, there ya go.
That was my night and morning routine.

p.s.
A funny thing.. my denture has my name on it. Yeah, my name! No one can steal them, now, haha! I took a picture to show you all. Look!

24 Hours After Extractions & Immediate Denture Was Placed

I've had my denture in place now for about 35-36 hours. Firsts things first.. OWIE! My whole face hurts. I keep forgetting I have had this whole big procedure done and I keep trying to do things like nibble the skin on my lips, or rub my lips together after putting on chap/lipstick.

Now, about how they look and feel. If I smile TOO big, they look ridiculous, but I'm talking a REAL big smile. No one does that. The teeth themselves are beautiful. They're the exact shape and size as the teeth I was born with. I was scared I'd go home with Gary Busey teeth! The gumline color isn't as pink as my natural gumline, but my dentist assured me that it can be changed (dyed or something).

I am alternating Norco and Ibuprofen off and on every two hours. On a pain scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no pain and 10 being horrendously painful, I am at about a 7-8.

The end.